This is a story of a man who updated the quality of his wardrobe from barely acceptable work attire to "gay" in a single night.
Throughtout my brief working career I have never had a solid set of "work" clothes and have always gotten by on some pretty old and ratty pants, shirts and ties with subtle (and not so subtle) stains on them and a few sweaters that I throw on to cover the shirts with the most egregious stains. I have two suits, both of which get worn way too frequently simply because I have to wear dress clothes to work everyday. One is literally worn to the point of beginning to see the cloth of my pockets underneath and the other has a small irremovable paint line on the front of the pants (thank you painter guys that came to the office at night and did not post any "Wet Paint" signs).
Jess and I decided it was time to pick up some new, and swell, work gear with a little of the money we got from tax returns this year so we went to Burlington Coat Factory and Ross and I left a handsome man. I am not kidding, I look phine. Proof? Today I stopped off at a convenience store for a pop and candy bar after a meeting in my full attorney regalia. The total of my concessions came to $2.07. I handed the clerk (who had an earring in his right ear!!!) three ones and he handed me a single and said, "Here, you owe me seven cents." I didn't understand what he said and so I gave him a questioning look and he asked if I would rather have all the change and I finally realized his intentions and smiled and thanked him. This whole time he is giving me this doe-eyed look that I usually get from hot womans... and then things got weird. "Do you like cinnamon?" he asked. "Ummm... yeah." "Do you want some of my gum?" "Ummmm.... okay." I took the offering as he told me he would "see me next time" in a really creepy voice and I exited the situation.
Conclusion, my style of dress has gone completely from one side of the spectrum, rolling in the pasture just before heading off to work, all the way to..... Gay Man! That is the very pinnacle of style!!! I knew that year in retail buying would pay off some day.
5 comments:
I think I'm in the same boat. I've bought two suits since my mission, typically everytime I have a job interview. One was washed in the machine machine and then dried on high. I will have to be midgetized to fit it. The rest of my work clothes carry the sound, sight, and smells of circa 1999.
By the way, I thought it was the left earing that signified happiness...
left is right....right is wrong. Doesn't anyone remember the saying or am I remembering it wrong? Did I ever tell you that Jeff has a freckle on his right ear....it looks like a piercing. It's really funny. And you do look "phine"!
Dustin, that is so funny. Aaron got hit on by a man on one of our cruises, right in front of me!! I guess it should some how be a compliment?!
ha ha ha. congrats on the new wardrobe. I think the Moyes boys should setup a tie exchange--it'll be like Christmas every six months!
Dressing for Porsche customers is no cheap picnic either. Let's just say that they welcome me by name when I walk in the door across the street at Men's Wearhouse, honest.
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